Oh the possibilities.....

We all have times were we doubt ourselves, and we struggle to figure out how and why we should stay on the path we're already on - even if it is something we are truly passionate about. I'm at this point now, and maybe it's been coming for a little while - as I've been really apprehensive about this year with my baby starting school. Even yesterday on a beautiful sunny autumn day I drove past the park we used to hang out at after going for a bike ride - I missed him and I felt a lump in my throat. I stopped the car and walked through that park as a symbol of the new part of the journey I am on.


So, in an effort to help clear my head, I am sharing my thoughts with you, and hope that somehow this will help me with direction. I suppose I'm thinking out loud. I apologize for the lack of clarity in the following - I'm not ready to divulge all of myself yet.


Lately I've felt compelled to follow a path that is so blindingly obvious, that I'm already on it - well for myself anyway! I have felt passionate about this area for as long as I can remember, though the way I relate to this area of interest has changed with the decades. 


I feel drawn to do "big things" and help others in this particular area, as I feel my experiences can help. Yet I look around me and I see that I'm no different to anyone else - what makes me think I'm more "qualified" to follow this path?  


I see more and more people telling the same sorts of stories and sharing similar ideas just with different packaging. Why would I go to the effort of launching myself into a mammoth project just to have it fizzle out? Would it fizzle out? How embarrassing if it did fizzle out? Would I fight to the death to prevent it fizzling out but risk my closest friends and family in the meantime while all of my energy and effort is diverted elsewhere?


Why does sharing just with my friends and family not feel like enough? (besides the fact that they'll probably get sick to death of me, and stop inviting us over!) Why do I feel like I have to help not one, not one hundred, but at least one thousand people?


My brain is answering all of these as I write and I'm not sure I want it to. 
My soul is telling me because I want to leave a legacy - not money, or stuff (because God knows I already have enough clutter - and no - my kids don't want more toys for presents this year! LOL!) - I want to leave a legacy of good health, goodwill and knowledge.


I've always loved books and as a kid I remember feeling anxious when I was in about grade three or four when I visited the library and it was a big deal because it was the first time we were allowed to do something (or maybe it was a the first time they opened it? I can't remember) but I felt anxious because I thought - how will I possibly be able to read my way through all of these books before the end of grade seven???? 


That sums me up to this day. I didn't want to read all of the books in the library because  I wanted to "do it perfectly" - I wanted to read them all because there is SO much out there to learn - and when you're a kid who doesn't have a driver's license or passport and the internet was not yet heard of in the average Australian family home back then (early 90's) then books are the perfect place to start. 


This thirst for knowledge is propelling me forward now. While I enjoy what I'm currently doing and it does change people's lives - my other passion has the power to change so many more lives and I want to help shape a legacy of knowledge and good health - for the generations yet to come. 


I can serve a purpose to help others and to help shape a brighter future.