I’ve always yo-yo’d with my weight. I was always a chubby child, not overly fat, but by boarding school at 12, I had created really bad sneaky comfort eating habits that went out of control in my teens. After an embarrassing incident in year 8, I no longer desired to continue being sporty, so this was a recipe for disaster! My year 12 formal dress now swims on me – I tried it on when visiting my Mum at Christmas – I didn’t realize that I was that big!
Some people in my life have met me skinny, others have met me fat, anyone that meets me now are fooled into thinking that I’ve been like this my whole life – fit, toned and passionate about nutrition and exercise.
Prior to becoming a mum, I started uni – pursuing another passion of mine – music. While at uni for the 18 months, I worked in a bakery – a dangerous place to be with my eating habits! However, I didn’t really know what I wanted to “be when I grew up” so I deferred, as my then boyfriend (now husband) and I were going to save to go overseas. Well, it turned out we were saving for a cot! One month after deferring we found out I was pregnant! I was definitely in shock – didn’t realise that it could happen that easily! What a surprise!
I was a young mum though not as young as some. I had my first daughter at 19, proceeded to have another at 21, lost my third baby, a beautiful boy called Joshua, at 23 due to anencephaly – a devastating condition we found at about at my 20 week scan – and then proceeded to have another baby, a healthy little boy at 25.
Throughout the trials and tribulations that everyone experiences when you have small children - you are sleep deprived, you’re struggling to find the energy to operate let alone plan wonderful meals, finding time for a shower can seem a luxury – I definitely struggled with my self esteem!
I found comfort and escape from the mundane reality (compared to all of my friends still out there partying and exploring the world) in food. As money was scarce in those days, cheap low quality fast foods (and especially chocolate biscuits or any bakery food), or pastas and ice cream were security blankets of choice.
But in October 2009, when my older two were at school and my youngest was about to turn 4, I had a lightbulb moment and I then began a process of change. I started nurturing myself and creating who I am above and beyond the role of Mum to my three children and wife to my handsome husband. (I can just imagine him cringing at my public display of affection!)
I went back to finish of my music degree (which I will finally finish this year – yay!) and I started exploring who I really am – as I had not really had a chance to learn that when I left school.
Although some of this is hard to admit, given that I know people who know me – but not THAT well – will be reading, and that to some I always seemed like the jolly chubby/fat girl who was happy-go-lucky while disguising how down I really was - this may come as a shock. But I hope that by me sharing my story, it helps you get a better understanding of where I’m coming from and why I am so passionate about changing your self-perception.
Tomorrow marks the start of tuning in to you.
